I hadn't planned anything for this blog, but came across the following from the Simple Savings Newsletter this morning and thought - I couldn't have said this better...

If the holiday season currently has you feeling overwhelmed, or stressed, or panicking, or worrying how you are possibly going to afford things, or how you are going to be able to live up to everyone's expectations, STOP for a moment and read the following words, slowly. Read them as many times as you need to.

• It is OK to do less this Christmas
• If you don’t want to buy gifts, it is OK
• If you don’t want to cook a huge feast, it is OK
• If you don’t want to run around in circles like a mad chicken, it is OK
• If you want to kick back, it is OK
• If you want to buy gifts, that is OK
• If you want to buy lots of gifts, that is OK too
• If want to chill, chill
• If you want to decorate your house, go for it

Whatever you choose, do what is right for YOU this Christmas!

Vanessa 
​0414 99 66 13

 So… you get a text from a friend who says she can’t make it to dinner after all. You…
         a)  think she has a better offer and never liked you anyway
         b)  believe she has let you down and decide to cut her off from now on
         c) decide you are an idiot for thinking she would want to spend time with you
     d) text her back to say “Ok cool – you will be missed x Let’s catch up next  week”. 
What if your thoughts don’t match up with what is actually happening?
We all have an automatic way we think about things – it’s like a super-highway which takes us at top speed towards a conclusion or a ‘truth’ based on the meaning we make from a situation.  For many of us, these automatic thoughts are unhelpful and result in lowered self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
 
Often the habit is so ingrained we don’t even know it’s happening – the Unhelpful Thinking Style just gets more traction.
Good news is, we can actually change our habits – first step?? Awareness.
We need to know what we have been automatically saying to ourselves and what the patterns are.
 
Did you pick d)?
 
If not, take a look at the following Unhelpful Thinking Styles listed here:
 
Catastrophising: blowing things out of proportion, believing the WORST WILL HAPPEN! …even though in reality the problem is quite small and disastrous consequences are unlikely.
 
“Should”,“Ought” and “Must”: Oh yeah, nothing quite like putting pressure on ourselves when using these words – they imply we are powerless and not acting out of our own sense of what is right. Exchanging these words for ‘Could”, “Might” and “Will” create a whole new sense of choice and autonomy.
 
Emotional Reasoning: Just because you have a feeling something will or won’t  happen, you believe it to be true. Kind of like knowing the future- and how many of us can actually do that?!
 
Magnifying and Minimising: Everything someone else does is a-mazing and your input was ‘nothing’ or somehow insignificant.
 
Mental Filtering: Only noticing the negative parts of a situation and filtering out the positives – “the whole 3 course dinner was ruined by those overcooked beans”.
 
Jumping to Conclusions: Classic mind-reading here –when we know what someone else must be thinking - and predicting the outcomes accordingly.
 
Overgeneralising: Taking an instance in the past and saying “you always do that”, “I never get a turn”, or “everyone else has a partner” etc.
 
Black & White Thinking:  Good or Bad, All or Nothing – this type of thinking  sees only one extreme or the other.
 
Personalisation:  Blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or even could go wrong! Taking full responsibility for things that aren’t even in your control.
 
Labelling: Often judgemental statements about self or others based on  behaviour in a specific situation e.g “she’s an idiot” or “I’m such a loser” – even when there are other situations where that is not the case.
 
Some of the unhelpful thoughts we have are a mix of a few of the above styles.
Many of them we have learned (and often disliked!) from hearing our parents use them. Take a look over this list again this time noting which ones you mostly do, and put an M (mum) or D (dad) next to the ones that you’ve heard them use.
 
So that’s Step One – grow Awareness  ✔
 
Next blog… how to change these unhelpful patterns
 
If you’d like this (and other helpful tools) delivered straight to your email address, click the blue box in the top right of this blog…
(Don’t worry, you will receive less than one per month)
 
Vanessa
0414 99 66 13

Try these 3 simple tips to feel better immediately:
 
 
#1   Turn up the corners of your mouth
 
Something you can do anywhere and anytime is turn up the corners of your mouth.
This has the effect of instantly brightening your mood and your outlook, not to mention your physical appearance.
 
By turning up the corners of your mouth, your body releases neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress as well as lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. When you smile, the endorphins released act as a natural pain reliever and the serotonin released serves as an anti-depressant/mood lifter.
 
When you smile, the world smiles back. Yes, your smile is actually contagious!
And let’s face it (punny!) you are actually better looking when you smile.
Go on, give it a try right now.
 
 
#2   Stand in Power Pose
 
Something borrowed from the yogis, but requiring no training at all, is  to stand evenly balanced on your two feet and lift your arms overhead in a strong ‘V’ shape. Hold this for 30 seconds, up to 2 minutes if you can, and feel the benefits straight away.

Harvard Business School Professor Amy Cuddy gave a TED talk about this. “Certain ‘power poses’ don’t just change how others perceive you, “Professor Cuddy says. “They immediately change your body chemistry.” Our testosterone and cortisol levels are affected when we adopt a power pose.

This is something you can easily do when you want that boost of confidence from within. Try it first thing in the morning, or before a meeting or even a challenging phone call you may have to make.
 

#3   Laugh, then laugh some more
 
Did you know, your body cannot distinguish between real and fake laughter? Anything that makes you laugh or giggle will have a positive impact by unleashing a rush of stress-busting endorphins.

One of the ways to begin a laughing burst is to start clapping in rhythm to “ho-ho-ha-ha-ha”.  Sometimes, it is the simple ridiculousness of this exercise that jump-starts a real and contagious belly-laugh that can result in a laughing fit that leaves you uplifted and with a smile on your face for hours afterwards. Great to do with a friend, however odd you might feel at the outset!
There are laughter workshops and even Laughter Yoga classes if you want some serious fun.
 
So give one, or all of these tips a try and let me know if you feel better immediately!
​
As Professor Cuddy says, “Our bodies change our minds,
                                                            and our minds change our behaviour,
                                                            and our behaviour changes our outcomes.”
 
 Vanessa Steele
ThoughtMatters counsellor