Let's re-brand the message...
I'm calling it Physical distancing, rather than social distancing, because what we still need is social connection - just in different ways. The benefit of our internet world is that we can still connect with others without the risk of spreading infection. Yes, keep the recommended physical distance from others, but it's important to stay connected with yourself, and others - in different ways. Let's explore some ideas...

Stick to a routine
Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.
Get dressed in neat and comfortable clothes each day. Have a shower, wash your face, brush your teeth. Put on some bright colours.
Stay hydrated and eat well. Stress and eating often don’t mix well and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, or avoiding food. Drink plenty of water, eat nutritious food, and challenge yourself to learn to cook something new.
 
Stay active and connected
Get out at least once a day for at least 30 minutes. If you are concerned about contact, try first thing in the morning, or later in the evening, or in quiet areas/streets. Open the windows and let some fresh air in.
Similarly, find time to move for 30 minutes each day. If you can’t get outside, there are many videos and apps that offer free workouts and movement classes. If all else fails, turn on the music and dance.
Reach out to others at least once a day. Try to do FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting. Connect with others to seek and provide support. Do this for your children as well. You can set up virtual movie nights on Netflix or do online workouts together.
Find a project (fix something, learn a language, take up a musical instrument, do a giant jigsaw), or re-engage with creative activity.
 
Lower expectations
Practice radical self-acceptance.  We are doing too many things in this moment, driven by fear and stress.  This does not make a formula for excellence.  Instead, give yourself what counsellors call “radical self-acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback. Check out this 2 minute video:
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzxprrfoEMM
 
Reduce your (information) exposure
There is no benefit to constant exposure to information about COVID19. More information will not reduce the risk to you or your loved ones, so limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children.  One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute.  The information is often sensationalised, negatively skewed, and alarmist.  Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (consider 30 minutes max, 2 times daily).  Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.
Notice the good in the world, the helpers.  There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in about this pandemic.  There are also plenty of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in wonderful ways.  It is important to counterbalance the heavy information with the hopeful information.  
 
Manage your worry
If you are struggling with worry and anxiety, try practicing mindfulness: https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/default-source/psychological-toolkit/7-mindfulnessineverydaylife-(with-gp-notes).pdf?sfvrsn=6),
and worry management techniques such as worry postponement: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer%20Modules/What%20Me%20Worry/What%20Me%20Worry%20%2003%20%20Negative%20Beliefs%20About%20Worry%20Uncontrollability.pdf).
Reachout.com has a great app called ‘worry time’ that can help you to take control of your worry (https://au.reachout.com/tools-and-apps/reachout-worrytime).
We cannot think or worry our way out of this situation, particularly by focusing on the ‘what ifs.’ It can help to write down your worry, and decide if it is a current problem (the negative consequence has already happened or is definitely going to, in which case you can problem solve) or a ‘what-if’ (something that might happen in the future, so worrying leads to pointless rumination: if it hasn’t happened yet, you can’t fix it).
 
Practise Gratitude
Make some time in each day to explore the things you are grateful for. You might consider things like family members, the delicacy of a leaf or flower, your health Whether big or small gratitudes, connecting with them can be a powerful way to re-frame your situation and soothe anxiety.

Change your focus
 If you notice you are anxious about things that are more difficult ,or that you don't have access to, try to 'flip it' by acknowledging what is the benefit of the situation, how adaptable you and others are,  notice kindness wherever you see it Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't, what you have rather than what you don't.

Taking care of family and children
If you have children, spend extra time playing with them. Children often can’t communicate clearly about how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention through play. Don’t be surprised to see themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through. Play is cathartic for children – it is how they process their experience and problem solve.
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and practice patience. A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone. Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best. It is important to move with grace through blow-ups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges. Everyone is doing their best to get through this. So...

Be kind

And breathe
 
Vanessa
ThoughtMatters Counselling
 

Some of this content was adapted by Fiona Shand from a social media post by health professional Eileen Feliciano 

I hadn't planned anything for this blog, but came across the following from the Simple Savings Newsletter this morning and thought - I couldn't have said this better...

If the holiday season currently has you feeling overwhelmed, or stressed, or panicking, or worrying how you are possibly going to afford things, or how you are going to be able to live up to everyone's expectations, STOP for a moment and read the following words, slowly. Read them as many times as you need to.

• It is OK to do less this Christmas
• If you don’t want to buy gifts, it is OK
• If you don’t want to cook a huge feast, it is OK
• If you don’t want to run around in circles like a mad chicken, it is OK
• If you want to kick back, it is OK
• If you want to buy gifts, that is OK
• If you want to buy lots of gifts, that is OK too
• If want to chill, chill
• If you want to decorate your house, go for it

Whatever you choose, do what is right for YOU this Christmas!

Vanessa 
​0414 99 66 13

 So… you get a text from a friend who says she can’t make it to dinner after all. You…
         a)  think she has a better offer and never liked you anyway
         b)  believe she has let you down and decide to cut her off from now on
         c) decide you are an idiot for thinking she would want to spend time with you
     d) text her back to say “Ok cool – you will be missed x Let’s catch up next  week”. 
What if your thoughts don’t match up with what is actually happening?
We all have an automatic way we think about things – it’s like a super-highway which takes us at top speed towards a conclusion or a ‘truth’ based on the meaning we make from a situation.  For many of us, these automatic thoughts are unhelpful and result in lowered self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
 
Often the habit is so ingrained we don’t even know it’s happening – the Unhelpful Thinking Style just gets more traction.
Good news is, we can actually change our habits – first step?? Awareness.
We need to know what we have been automatically saying to ourselves and what the patterns are.
 
Did you pick d)?
 
If not, take a look at the following Unhelpful Thinking Styles listed here:
 
Catastrophising: blowing things out of proportion, believing the WORST WILL HAPPEN! …even though in reality the problem is quite small and disastrous consequences are unlikely.
 
“Should”,“Ought” and “Must”: Oh yeah, nothing quite like putting pressure on ourselves when using these words – they imply we are powerless and not acting out of our own sense of what is right. Exchanging these words for ‘Could”, “Might” and “Will” create a whole new sense of choice and autonomy.
 
Emotional Reasoning: Just because you have a feeling something will or won’t  happen, you believe it to be true. Kind of like knowing the future- and how many of us can actually do that?!
 
Magnifying and Minimising: Everything someone else does is a-mazing and your input was ‘nothing’ or somehow insignificant.
 
Mental Filtering: Only noticing the negative parts of a situation and filtering out the positives – “the whole 3 course dinner was ruined by those overcooked beans”.
 
Jumping to Conclusions: Classic mind-reading here –when we know what someone else must be thinking - and predicting the outcomes accordingly.
 
Overgeneralising: Taking an instance in the past and saying “you always do that”, “I never get a turn”, or “everyone else has a partner” etc.
 
Black & White Thinking:  Good or Bad, All or Nothing – this type of thinking  sees only one extreme or the other.
 
Personalisation:  Blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or even could go wrong! Taking full responsibility for things that aren’t even in your control.
 
Labelling: Often judgemental statements about self or others based on  behaviour in a specific situation e.g “she’s an idiot” or “I’m such a loser” – even when there are other situations where that is not the case.
 
Some of the unhelpful thoughts we have are a mix of a few of the above styles.
Many of them we have learned (and often disliked!) from hearing our parents use them. Take a look over this list again this time noting which ones you mostly do, and put an M (mum) or D (dad) next to the ones that you’ve heard them use.
 
So that’s Step One – grow Awareness  ✔
 
Next blog… how to change these unhelpful patterns
 
If you’d like this (and other helpful tools) delivered straight to your email address, click the blue box in the top right of this blog…
(Don’t worry, you will receive less than one per month)
 
Vanessa
0414 99 66 13

Try these 3 simple tips to feel better immediately:
 
 
#1   Turn up the corners of your mouth
 
Something you can do anywhere and anytime is turn up the corners of your mouth.
This has the effect of instantly brightening your mood and your outlook, not to mention your physical appearance.
 
By turning up the corners of your mouth, your body releases neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress as well as lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. When you smile, the endorphins released act as a natural pain reliever and the serotonin released serves as an anti-depressant/mood lifter.
 
When you smile, the world smiles back. Yes, your smile is actually contagious!
And let’s face it (punny!) you are actually better looking when you smile.
Go on, give it a try right now.
 
 
#2   Stand in Power Pose
 
Something borrowed from the yogis, but requiring no training at all, is  to stand evenly balanced on your two feet and lift your arms overhead in a strong ‘V’ shape. Hold this for 30 seconds, up to 2 minutes if you can, and feel the benefits straight away.

Harvard Business School Professor Amy Cuddy gave a TED talk about this. “Certain ‘power poses’ don’t just change how others perceive you, “Professor Cuddy says. “They immediately change your body chemistry.” Our testosterone and cortisol levels are affected when we adopt a power pose.

This is something you can easily do when you want that boost of confidence from within. Try it first thing in the morning, or before a meeting or even a challenging phone call you may have to make.
 

#3   Laugh, then laugh some more
 
Did you know, your body cannot distinguish between real and fake laughter? Anything that makes you laugh or giggle will have a positive impact by unleashing a rush of stress-busting endorphins.

One of the ways to begin a laughing burst is to start clapping in rhythm to “ho-ho-ha-ha-ha”.  Sometimes, it is the simple ridiculousness of this exercise that jump-starts a real and contagious belly-laugh that can result in a laughing fit that leaves you uplifted and with a smile on your face for hours afterwards. Great to do with a friend, however odd you might feel at the outset!
There are laughter workshops and even Laughter Yoga classes if you want some serious fun.
 
So give one, or all of these tips a try and let me know if you feel better immediately!
​
As Professor Cuddy says, “Our bodies change our minds,
                                                            and our minds change our behaviour,
                                                            and our behaviour changes our outcomes.”
 
 Vanessa Steele
ThoughtMatters counsellor

​​​​Have you had those conversations with some people that just leave you feeling confused or frustrated, unheard or misunderstood?  You may even feel your conversation was hijacked or that you were somehow judged. Or even worse, you may not know that other people feel that way after a conversation with you!

The art of conversation doesn’t come that easily to everyone, so it’s important to take a little ‘chat check’ and see how you rate. Without realising it, we can easily be stuck in a pattern of being a poor conversationalist. There are unhelpful habits of conversation that you may come to recognize in others or yourself once you are aware of them. Here are a few types you may recognise:

The Thought Completer knows exactly what you were going to say and has the annoying habit of interrupting you and completing your sentences according to what direction he or she thinks you were going. This person hijacks the conversation and robs you of telling your own story. The lesson here is not to assume you know what the other person is about to say – we all have unique experiences to share, so take care not to interrupt.

The Pessimist is the chronic negative thinker. No matter what you say, this person has a negative take on it. Their experience in the past, their opinion on the present and their predictions for the future are relentlessly negative. This person can leave you feeling hopeless and that the world conspires against you. Either that or you feel much less inclined to chat with them in the future. To avoid being like this yourself, remember it is sometimes better to just listen than say something negative.

The Egotist is unable to allow the conversation to revolve around anything but themselves and somehow finds a way to link any topic back to themselves, all while being oblivious to what they are doing. Funnily enough, just when the topic becomes about something unrelated, this person coincidentally has to leave! If you think you might do this, try to listen as much as you speak and focus on the other person and what they have to say.

The Interrogator can be too interested in the details asking questions almost like a detective and leave you feeling grilled and exhausted! In their enthusiasm to learn more about all the technicalities, they can interrupt the natural flow of the conversation and create a frustrated atmosphere.  If that sounds like you, remember to keep any questions you may have relevant to the information that is actually needed, be patient and only ask questions in moderation.

The Detached Listener may have heard you, but you’d never know it, as they don’t show any reactions. Whether you are talking about something really exciting or truly sad, this person remains neutral and impassive, leaving you feeling like you might need to be more expressive or just maybe keep it to yourself from now on.  If you might be doing this to someone else, remember the other person needs some verbal or non-verbal cues to be sure you are interested in what they have to say. Make sure you add in a nod or an appropriate sound every now and then, to let them know.

The Competitive Storyteller has always done whatever it is faster, harder, longer, and can somehow make your experience sound boring! While this person often has the audience riveted and never forgets the punchline, it is easy to feel outdone and a little skeptical that this individual can have experienced so much more than you, every time.  If taking centre stage is very comfortable for you, make sure you listen to others as well and take turns in the storytelling.

The Fixer somehow feels that whenever you speak of a doubt or some indecision, they need to weigh up all your alternatives, analyse the pros and cons, and work it through to the solution for you. This person hasn’t realised that you may not have asked for advice, but were just expressing yourself. If you tend to jump in and be a ‘fixer’ for people, remember to wait until you are asked for your advice or opinion. 

Of course, there are other types of conversation destroyers you may encounter as well, but now that you are more aware, see if you recognise some of these in action. You may just tweak your listening skills to become a better conversationalist yourself!

Vanessa Steele, ThoughtMatters counsellor